


Avengers Tower Heist

by avengersincamphalfbloodstardis



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers Tower, Multi, Tower Heist!au, movie!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 08:00:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3112166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avengersincamphalfbloodstardis/pseuds/avengersincamphalfbloodstardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers is the building manager of the prestigious hotel "Avengers Tower." When he first got the job he brought all of his friends in to fill in the other positions. Obadiah Stane, a long term resident in the penthouse, is one of the Tower's favorite residents and he and Steve get along very well, even playing online chess in their spare time. When Stane is arrested it comes to light that he has committed a huge crime. All the Avengers have lost all their money and are hugely in debt. But Steve might just have a way to fix it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Avengers Tower Heist

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I really love the movie "Tower Heist" with Ben Stiller. It's funny and got a great cast and it's one of my favorites. So, I was watching it awhile back and thought "Hey! Why not combine two of my favorite things?" So... Avengers Tower Heist! I really hope you like it, it is incredibly long and it's based on a wonderful movie!  
> And here's a little guide to who everyone is:  
> Steve: building manager  
> Thor: doorman  
> Clint: elevator operator  
> Tony: concierge  
> Natasha: maid  
> Bruce: squatter in apartment  
> Pepper: manager’s assistant  
> Darcy: check in receptionist  
> Jane: scheduling receptionist  
> Bucky: criminal  
> Sam: FBI agent  
> Fury: hotel owner  
> Coulson: resident

Steve hurried into the building, Avengers Tower.

“Morning Thor,” he said.

“Good morning Steven,” Thor smiled and opened the door.

“Hey Darcy,” Steve said. “Have you seen Pepper?”

“Right here,” Pepper said, hurrying over with a clipboard. “Darcy, the banquet in hall two needs a caterer.”

Darcy nodded. “I’m on it.”

“Great,” Pepper looked up. “Steve, Mrs. Lasbaum would like salmon with her eggs this morning.”

“Of course,” Steve smiled. “It’s Sunday, Jane should be bringing it up now. Tony here yet?”

Pepper rolled her eyes. “No, late again.”

Steve nodded. “Did you cover for him?”

“I did.” Darcy said. “He’s getting the salmon from the deli.”

“Great,” Steve said, just as Tony slid in through the doors and ran to the desk.

“Hey guys,” Tony said. “How late am I?”

“Only twenty minutes or so,” Pepper said dryly.

“Great,” Tony laid red flowers on the desk. “I got the red flowers.”

Steve looked down at the flowers. “Red flowers?”

“Yeah,” Tony said. “ it's Chinese New Year. Mrs Jin will be down here any second. It's crucial the first thing she hears be something positive. Her entire year depends on it.”

Just then, Mrs. Jin walked out of the elevator.

“Mrs. Jin!” Tony snatched up the flowers and ran over to her. He spoke something in a language Steve didn’t understand and handed her the flowers. “Happy New Year.”

Mrs. Jin stared at him for a moment. Then, she chuckled.

As she walked away, Tony spun around, smiling triumphantly.

“Who’s the boss?” he asked, before skipping away to his desk.

“While that’s over,” Steve shook his head and turned back to Pepper. “Can you do the rounds this morning?”

“Alright,” Pepper’s small smile dropped. “Some of the staff is talking about the tip policy again.”

“Not up for discussion,” Steve shook his head. “We don’t accept tips at Avengers Tower.”

Pepper smiled. “Duly noted. And uh, you need to go up to Banner’s room.”

Steve sighed. “Really?”

Pepper smiled sadly. “‘Fraid so.”

Steve’s shoulders slumped and he went to the elevator.

“Hey Clint,” he said.

“Hey man,” Clint said. “Which room?”

“The Banner apartment,” Steve said dully.

“Aw man, already?” Clint made a face as he pressed the button. “I was hoping the poor guy had a bit more time left.”

“Yeah,” Steve sighed. “Me too.”

They rode up in silence.

Steve got off the elevator and knocked on Banner’s door.

It opened and there was Banner, hair a mess and wearing a bathrobe. “Good morning.” he said and walked back into his apartment.

“Morning, Mr. Banner.” Steve stepped through the doorway. “How are you?”

“Wonderful,” Banner picked up a coffee mug from a broken table. “I’ve lost my job, my life savings are gone, and now you’re here to kick me out of my home.”

“Ah,” Steve said. “So you know why I’m here.”

“Of course,” Banner said jovially. “Everything else is going so smoothly, why wouldn’t this?”

“Is there anyone you can stay with?” Steve asked.

“Nope,” Banner surveyed his apartment. “Dropped contact with them years ago. I’d sleep in my car, but that’s been repossessed.”

“I’m very sorry Mr. Banner,” Steve said.

“No, I know,” Banner said. “You really are a good guy Steve. I know this must be difficult for you.”

Steve made a split second decision.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Banner,” he said again. “but there will be elevator maintenance tomorrow. I don’t think the bankers will be able to visit tomorrow. They’ll just have to come back another time.”

A strange look came over Banner’s face. “Well... Thank you. For notifying me, I mean.”

“Of course,” Steve nodded.

He left, with one last look at Banner.

He got back in the elevator.

“Elevator maintenance?” Clint asked with a smirk.

“Elevator maintenance.” Steve confirmed.

“Where to next?”

Steve smiled. “Penthouse.”

The elevator zoomed up to the top floor and dinged as it arrived.

Steve stepped out to the hallway and knocked on the door.

It swung open to reveal the inhabitant.

Steve grinned. “Good morning Mr. Stane.”

“Morning Steve,” Obadiah Stane stepped outside and walked with Steve back to the elevator. “Come to escort me to my next stop?”

“Actually, just came to inform you that everything is ready for your dinner party. I'm sending up some bouchon paired with a '77 sauvignon blanc.

“Very nice.”

“If you don't mind my saying,” Steve said as they stepped out of the elevator with a nod to Clint and walked across the lobby. “are you sure you want Secretary Lowe and Janet Ramsey at the party together? They were mentioned again on Page Six."

“Jesus!” Stane clapped a hand to his forehead. “I totally forgot they were screwing. Nice save, Steve.” He grinned. “What the hell would I do without you?”

“You would have to read the Post yourself.” Steve smiled as they stepped outside.

“No, I'm serious.” Stane said. “I’m thinking of buying a chain of hotels. Maybe one or two couple of streets over. I could use a manager, what do you say?”

“If I could bring my pals, we might have a deal.” Steve grinned and opened the limo door.

Stane laughed. “Deal.”

“Have a good day, sir,” Steve almost shut the door.

“Steve, one more thing.”

“What is that, sir?”

Stane smiled. “Checkmate.”

Steve’s lower lip dropped as the limo sped away and he remembered the online chess game they’d had going. How had Stane beaten his move?

Steve shook his head and headed back into SHIELD, making his way to the employee area.

Pepper and Tony had made their way back here, though thankfully Darcy was still manning the front area.

“Hey Steve,” Tony greeted him and handed him a cup of coffee. “Didn’t see you on Sunday. You have a good day?”

“Yeah, I was here,” Steve said. “Checking up, you know.”  
Tony rolled his eyes. “Yes, we all know you’re a workoholic, Steve.”

Steve was about to answer when Natasha’s fingers snapped under his nose. “My work visa’s about to expire.”

“Um,” Steve rubbed his nose where her fingers had flicked in the process of snapping. “Okay?”

“I need to get married.” Natasha deadpanned.

“Is that a proposal?” Tony grinned.

“No.” She eyed Steve with a dangerous look. “Work on it. Before I get thrown out of the country and back to Russia.”

She stalked away and Steve could only shake his head after her.

He walked up to Jane’s desk where she was bent over some books and muttering furtively.

“Jane.” He said and she sat up wildly, slamming the book shut.

“What?” she looked up, glasses askew.

“We do this thing, you and I,” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. “where you pretend not to study for the bar exam and I pretend not to notice.”

Jane stared at him blankly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Steve sighed. “Of course you don’t. Can you just do it in my office during break please? I don’t use it anyhow.”

She blinked owlishly at him “Okay, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Nevermind,” Steve said. “Pep, I need you up front, Tony, get back to work.”

***

“Why don’t we go out and party anymore Steve?” Tony asked, hands in his pockets. “I remember we used to get hammered every other night. Some of the others still go out. Why not you?”

“We’ve got real jobs now, Tony,” Steve said, looking out over the water as they walked. “Can’t party like we did in college.”

“ _You’ve_ got a real job,” Tony countered. “General Manager of Avengers Tower. I’m just a concierge.”

Steve smiled and reached out, ruffling Tony’s hair. Tony squawked and patted his hair back down.

“You’re a damn good concierge too.”

“Damn right,” Tony sighed. “I just sometimes wonder what happened to the little art student I knew in college. The one that dragged all us sorry saps over to his new job.”

“Hey,” Steve wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulders and drew him in an awkward walking hug. “I’m still that art student. I’ve just got more responsibilities now.”

“Besides,” Steve grinned. “You’ve all changed too.”

Tony nodded. “Thor only takes translator gigs on short term basis.” He shook his head. “I told him foreign relations was a terrible major.”

“Does Clint ever make it to the range anymore?”

Tony shrugged. “How should I know?”

“You live with him.”

“I also live with Natasha, doesn’t mean I know jack about what she does with her free time. Clint goes every once in awhile, but not so much in anymore.” He made a face. “Doesn’t stop him from leaving arrows sticking out of all our furniture though.”

“I know Natasha gets to the gym a lot.” Steve mused. “Pepper goes with her sometimes. But I don’t how much gymnastics she’s doing.”

“Pepper should have bigger things going for her,” Tony shook his head.

He laughed when Steve gave him a disgruntled look.

“You know what I mean. Our group is good at service, running the hotel, the whole shebang and whatnot, but Pepper’s a businesswoman. She should be running a company, be CEO, not working in customer service.”

“Yeah,” Steve nodded. “I know what you mean.”

“Jane’s still on the fast track to becoming a lawyer.” Tony said.

Steve mock gasped. “You mean that’s what she’s been doing when she’s supposed to be working? She swore up and down she had no idea what I was talking about.”

Tony laughed. “At least Darcy’s good. As long as nobody yells at her.”

“She only tasered one guy.”

“Two if you count Thor,” Tony said.

“You don’t spend as much time with your tech.” Steve said. It always made him sad to think about Tony not having enough time for his robots, more so than the others.

Tony nodded. “How’s Bucky doing? Been in jail lately?”

“Not since last time,” Steve grinned. “Which was a week ago.”

“Aha!” Tony exclaimed. “I talked to him four days ago and he said it had been two weeks.”

There was a moment of silence as they reached Tony’s building.

“I promise we’ll all have a night out soon, Tony,” Steve said quietly. “Really soon.”

“Yeah,” Tony said, but there was sad look on his face and Steve remembered all the other times he had promised Tony he’d come out with the gang “really soon.” “Really soon.”

***

The next morning, Steve hurried out and came across Bucky sitting on the front step of his building, smoking a cigarette.

“Hey neighbor,” Steve said and Bucky chuckled.

“Hey Steve.”

“Don’t get into trouble without me, alright?” Steve grinned.

Bucky grinned too, a lopsided little smirk. “You always say that, but where are you when the trouble starts?”

Steve shrugged. “Job’s a callin’.”

“Yeah, alright,” Bucky dropped the cigarette and stamped it out with his foot. “Go be a big shot in your fancy hotel.”

Steve laughed. “Jerk.”

Bucky grinned. “Punk.”

Steve hurried the rest of the way and made it to work, eight minutes to spare.

As he walked up to Darcy’s desk, he looked over his shoulder at the street. “Hey Darce, Pep.”

They nodded at him, Pepper never taking her eyes off the clipboard she was studying.

“Why is Mr. Stane’s car still here?” Steve asked.

Darcy shrugged. “Maybe he’s sick.”

Steve narrowed his eyes at the street. “That black sedan has been parked there for two days.”

“No boot or ticket?” Darcy asked. “I called the cops twice, just like you asked me to.”

“Do you remember the morning robbery at the Fantastic Four hotel last year?” Steve’s defense senses kicked into gear.

Pepper had finally looked up at the mention of the robbery. “What do we do?”

“Lock the doors,” Steve said. “Clear the lobby. Calmly. Lock everything down, doors, elevators. Code black.”

“What’s code black?” Darcy asked.

“Are you serious?” Steve asked impatiently. “We talked about it at the meeting.”

“Just shut it down,” Pepper said. “We’re about to get robbed.”

They all took off, Steve to the security camera room. “Let me see the outside

of the building.”

The security guard hurried to do what he asked.

“There were four guys out there with guns.” Steve squinted at the footage. “Where did they go? Let me see the garage.”

The screen showed a white van backing up into the garage.

“Why is laundry here?” Steve asked. “Laundry pick-up was yesterday.”

“Mr. Stane asked us to call him. Someone spilled wine on his tablecloth. He's bringing it down right now.” The guard said.

“Wait,” Steve said. “That’s not our regular laundry guy.”

Suddenly, a couple of guys in the van jumped out and went behind the wall. They pulled Stane out from behind it and pushed him in the van.

“Oh my god,” Steve panicked. “This isn’t a robbery, it’s a kidnapping, it’s a kidnapping!”

He ran out into the employee area. “Code black everyone now! Call 911!” He ran out, making his way to the garage.

“What the hell is code black?” asked Tony, a donut shoved in his mouth.

Steve ignored him. He burst out into the garage, only to see the van wheeling backwards and speeding away.

He took off after it, yelling and waving his arms. “Stop that van!”

An arm slammed across Steve’s chest and he fell backwards, slamming into the pavement.

He coughed, eyesight blurry.

“Sorry man,” A hand helped him up.

Steve looked up to see FBI agents putting handcuffs on Stane. “No wait! He’s the victim, they kidnapped him!”

“This wasn’t a kidnapping.”

Steve turned to look at the agent that had knocked him down.

The guy looked grim. “This was an attempt to flee.”

Steve’s world started to spin. “What?”

The guy turned to the other agents. “Arrest him and get him out of here.”

“Do me a favor Steve,” Stane said as he passed on his way to the cop car. “Turn the heat down and cover the pool. I hate to waste money.”

Steve stared after him. “What is going on.”

The agent put a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go to the hotel. I need you to let me talk to the staff.”

“Uh,” Steve’s mind was floundering. “Okay.”

The guy flashed a badge. “Agent Sam Wilson.”

“Steve Rogers,” Steve said. “General Manager at Avengers Tower.”

***

Sam Wilson faced the crowd of employees. “You all worked for Mr. Stane, so you may each be questioned about your knowledge of him. It all depends on what information we need, so we may need you extensively or not at all. Does anyone have any questions?”

“Why’s Mr. Stane being arrested?” Darcy blurted out.

Sam sighed. “He'll be charged with several counts of securities fraud and an immediate asset freeze of Mr. Stane's holdings has been ordered.”

Tony looked around wildly. “How’s this gonna affect us?”

Steve cleared his throat and stepped forward. “For the last six years, Mr. Stane was on the board of The Tower.”

“So we have to find  a new board member?” Pepper asked.

“No.” Steve swallowed. “Several years ago at one of the meetings, he was asked to do a favor for us. He was asked to manage all of your pensions.”

“Pensions?” Clint’s brow furrowed.

“And he did.” Steve plowed through. “He took us on even though it was a small account. He agreed to handle it.”

“Who asked him to do that?” Natasha demanded.

“I did, Natasha.” Steve looked her in the eye. “I asked him.”

Thor looked back and forth between Steve and Sam. “What’s left in the pension?”

Sam shot Steve a look before answering. “All this just happened, so there's no way of knowing.”

“And by the way,” Steve said. “this could all be a mistake-”

“How much, Steve?” Tony’s gaze was hard and sharp. Steve had never seen him look this way.

He sighed. “Right now, they're saying that anyone who invested with Mr. Stane has been defrauded, and that more than likely, it's all gone. There is no pension.”

He looked around at them all, his friends and colleagues, people he’d thought he was taking care of, from getting them jobs to giving Stane their account. “I’m sorry.”

***

The next day, Mr. Stane was being escorted back into Avengers Tower by FBI agents on house arrest.

The press are vultures.

“Can we get a statement?”

“A picture Mr. Stane?”

“Anything to say to the public?”

“We're taking Stane and his attorney up to the penthouse.” Sam informed Steve on the elevator ride up. “I need Mr. Stane's personal security code.”

“My client would like access to the gym on 43.” Stane’s lawyer informed Sam. “Even serial killers get 15 minutes of exercise a day.”

“He has my permission to jump out the window.” Sam retorted. “The rules of Mr. Stane's house arrest are simple, Rogers, no visitors without prior permission from the FBI. All incoming and outgoing mail gets vetted by my office. All food deliveries, packages, cleaning, repairs, all that has to be cleared by the agent on duty. You tell your staff that this penthouse is now a maximum security prison and it will be guarded as such. The FBI is in control of the elevator and this floor.”

They stepped into the penthouse.

“What the hell is this?” Sam asked upon seeing the red car parked in the middle of the floor.

“Agent Wilson, that is a 1963 Ferrari 250 GT Lusso,” Stane grinned at the car. “owned and raced by the coolest cat who ever lived, Steve McQueen. This was his baby,” He looked up at Sam. “and now it's my baby.”

“You got Steve McQueen's car parked in your living room?” Sam wrinkled his nose. “And here I thought you were an asshole.”

“I paid a million for it 10 years ago.” Stane raised his voice. “I wouldn't sell it for 10 times that.”

“We're 65 stories up.” Sam walked to the window and looked down. “How do we get it out of here?”

“You don't.” Stane said shortly. “This car was taken apart piece by piece and reassembled inside this room.”

“This car will eventually be sold at auction with the rest of your belongings.” Sam said.

“Only if I'm guilty, Agent Wilson,” Stane’s tone grew menacing. “Which I'm not.”

Sam ignored his comment. “If you leave this apartment for any reason without my say so, and you'll be remanded into federal custody and forfeit $10 million bail.” He spun on his heel. “You have yourself a nice day, Mr. Stane. Rogers, will you come with me?

“Steve, do me a favor, will you?” Stane asked before Steve could leave.

“Yes, sir, Mr. Stane?”

“Make sure you handle all my food deliveries. You're smart enough to know I'm innocent.” Stane smiled. “I don't want the help to spit in my coffee.”

Steve’s heart sank. “They wouldn't do that, sir.”

“Yeah, but you get it, right?” Stane pulled a hundred dollar bill out of his breast pocket. “Do it as a favor to me.”

Steve swallowed. He was tempted to take the money, tempted to snatch up any money

he could until Stane was proven innocent, until his future was somewhat secure. But Stane would be found innocent. He had to be. “I’m sorry Mr. Stane, we don't accept tips at Avengers Tower.”

“Right,” Stane nodded and pocketed the money. “I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget the rules.”

Steve nodded and he and Sam made their way back into the elevator.

“Why did you let him get away with that?” Sam asked, a quiet fury under his words. “When he made that crack about the help spitting in his coffee. You wanted to hurt him. Hell, I wanted to hurt him.”

“Sometimes residents say things they don't mean.” Steve sighed. “It doesn't faze me.”

“If you say so pal.” Sam grinned. “But most guys from Brooklyn have a tough time avoiding a fight.”

Steve smiled. “You’d think a former soldier wouldn’t let a Wall Street suit get to them. You are former Army, aren’t you?”

Sam chuckled. “Noticed that huh?”

“When do you think you will be getting the money back?” Steve asked.

“I'm not really allowed to discuss the case with you.” Sam said apologetically.

“But you're allowed to clothesline me?” Steve teased.

“I was apprehending a fugitive.” Sam shrugged.

“He's only a fugitive if he's guilty, right?”

“Oh!” Sam raised an eyebrow. “Aren't you the loyal friend?”

Steve stared at the elevator wall. “I never said we were friends.”

“You play chess together, you're the one who asked him to invest the pension.”

Steve shook his head. “I get his mail, I open his car door, I buy his cheese. We're not friends.”

“Let me ask you something, Rogers.” Sam shot Steve a strange look. “If he's innocent, where's the money?”

Steve shrugged. “How should I know?”

“The same way you knew I was Army.” Sam said. “You pay attention.”

“I just want to know what I'm supposed to tell my staff.” Steve said, tone hard. “Is that too much to ask?”

The elevator doors opened and Steve and Sam stepped out.

“Tell them he's guilty.”

***

“Fuck!” Bucky said, slamming up against the cop car. “Police brutality, get the fuck off!”

“Shit, Bucky, what the hell?” Steve jogged up to the scene.

“Steve!” Bucky twisted around to look for him. “Take a picture, be my witness!”  
“You know my phone doesn’t take pictures Buck!” Steve shouted, dodging around police officers.

“God dammit!” Bucky said as he was pushed into the back of the cop car.

“I’ll get you out soon Buck!” Steve said.

The cop car sped away and Steve sighed.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Tony.

“Hello?”

“Bucky just got arrested again.”

There was a pause.

“Tasha, you owe me ten bucks!” Tony shouted in the background.

“Classy Tony,” Steve said.

“Want me to come over?” Tony asked. “We can get wasted.”

Steve sighed. “Yeah, alright.”

***

Up above Thor’s head the woman’s voice called, “Ladies and gentlemen, the next Brooklyn bound local train is now arriving. Please step away from the platform edge, especially when trains are entering and leaving the station.”

Thor walked forward, one heavy step after another. He stood at the edge.

Just as he saw the train approach, he took a deep breath and one more step.

***

Steve had just pulled the beers out of the fridge and handed one to Tony when he got he call.

“Uh-huh,” Steve said into the phone. “Uh-huh. Oh god. Oh jeez. I’ll be right there.”

“What is it?” Tony asked as Steve hung up the phone.

Steve was shaking as he turned to look at Tony. “Thor tried to step in front of a subway train tonight. An off-duty traffic cop was there and pulled him back at the last second. They have him on a 48-hour hold.”

Tony stood up and scrambled for their coats. “Let’s go.”

When they got to the hospital, they were directed to Thor’s room by the nurse at the reception desk.

They sped walked there and burst into his room.

There was Thor, laying in bed, looking more somber than Steve had ever seen him.

“If you wanted a sick day,” Tony said, smiling gently. “All you had to do was ask. Seriously, Steve would’ve given it to you.”

“I'm going to tell the doctor somebody pushed you.” Steve said forcefully. “It was a misunderstanding, okay?”

“I gave it to him, Steven.” Thor said lowly, not looking at them “All my money. I asked him to invest it for me.”

“Stane?” Tony’s jaw tightened.

“Yes,” Thor took a great, shuddering breath. “A couple of months ago, I gave him everything I had. Money from my parents, everything I made at Avengers Tower, all of my translating money. Every penny. It’s all gone.”

“Thor,” Steve took Thor’s hand and squeezed gently. “He’ll pay you back every penny. I promise.”

***

“Steve, please calm down,” Tony followed Steve into the elevator. “It’s not worth it, please. You can't go up there. You're acting like a vigilante.” He slapped his hand over the buttons.

“Move your hand.” Steve said calmly.

“I won't move my hand.”

“Move your hand!”

“Steve-” Tony was cut off as Bruce stepped into the elevator.

“Hey, Steve. Hey, Tony.”

“Hey.” They both said together.

Bruce nodded. “So, they're evicting me this morning. So, if you need me, I'll be living in this box.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Steve blurted.

Bruce shrugged. “Shoot.”

“You're a Wall Street guy.” Steve said. “When did Stane realize that it was over for him?”

Bruce mulled it over. “Ten months, maybe a year. I heard he was interviewing lawyers over the summer.”

“So if he took someone's money a few months ago?”

“Probably needed the cash to keep up appearances.” Bruce shrugged again. “Throw his famous Labor Day party at the beach.”

He sighed. “At a certain point, it isn't about securities fraud, it's about catering.”

Steve turned his steel gaze to the elevator wall. “Drop Mr. Fitzhugh on 59. I'm going to the penthouse.”

Clint grinned. “This is going to be good.”

When they reached the penthouse and stepped out of the elevator Steve said “Don't get up.”

The guard stood anyway. “Whoa! Where do you think you're going?”

“We're just going to get the trash.” Clint said.

“And the breakfast order.” Tony said.

Steve shot him a grateful look.

The guard eyed them. “Go ahead.”

They walked in.

Stane was there, in the middle of the room. “Good morning, Steve, Tony, Clint. How are you doing?”

“How was your Labor Day party this year, Mr. Stane?” Steve stepped forward, footsteps thudding loudly. “Must have been something, huh? What did you serve? Crab legs? Surf and turf?”

Stane eyed Steve up and down. “I've always tried to extend you a certain courtesy Steve, but this tone you're using-”

“What tone?” Steve cut him off. “Who gives a shit about my tone?”

Behind him, Clint sucked in a breath and Tony said quietly, “Steve, c’mon man, step back.”

“I'm going to ask you one time, okay?” Steve stepped closer to Stane. “So you better think really hard. Why did you take Thor’s money?”

Stane shrugged. “He came to me, asked me to invest it. So, I did. It was a favor.”

“Sure,” Steve’s eyes flashed. “That much money. A favor.”

Stane narrowed his eyes. “Did Thor ask you to come up here?”

“Mr. Stane, a few hours ago, Thor stepped in front of a subway train.”

To his credit, Stane did look truly shocked. “Oh Jesus.”

Steve nodded and went over to the wall, where the golf bag was leaning against it. He pulled out a nice heavy one and swung it around.

“What are you doing?” Panic crept into Stane’s voice. “Steve, you need to listen to me. The FBI is lying to you.”

Steve nodded and stepped around the car, surveying it.

“Steve, put down the club.” Stane was clearly not willing to step too close to an angry Steve Rogers with a golf club. “For Christ's sake, don't do anything you can't undo. Investing money is a gamble. It doesn't always pay off.”

Steve nodded, staring at the car. “Mr. Stane, do you care?”

“Steve, come on.”

“No, really.” Steve looked up at Stane. “Do you feel any responsibility for what happened to Thor?”

“Of course I feel badly.” Stane’s expression was pained. “I had no idea he was going to lose everything. Thor’s been apart of my life for a long time.”

“Really?” Steve lifted the gold club over his head. “Then why haven’t you asked me if he’s alive or dead?”

Before Stane could answer, Steve brought the club crashing down.

Tony cried out and Clint’s hand flew to his mouth.

“Anything I can do for you, Mr. Stane?” Steve shouted, smashing the car again. “What can I get for you, Mr. Stane?”

“Steve, this car is irreplaceable!” Stane bellowed.

“Not like doormen, huh?” Steve questioned, breaking in the window. “Fifty of those coming off the line every minute.”

“Steve, stop!” Tony yelled.

Steve ignored him. “You think Steve McQueen is the coolest cat that ever lived? Guess what?” He smashed the windshield into a thousand pieces and dropped the club. He stepped up into Stane’s space, faces inches apart. “Today, Steve McQueen is my little bitch.”

He stepped back, turned on his heel and walked away. “Don’t worry. I’ll have one of the help come clean that up right away.”

“Steve?” Stane called. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Steve stopped and looked over his shoulder.

Stane smiled smugly. “My breakfast order.”

***

“Are you fucking shitting me?” Fury bellowed. “What did you three think you were going to accomplish? A group of vigilantes going and trashing our customer’s prized possession? Do you understand the shit-storm that can be brought down on this building? Stane's lawyer will shove harassment, destruction of property and civil rights charges right down our throats! Now, I don't care what Stane did or how much money he's accused of stealing. And you know damn well I got murdered by that son of a bitch! This cannot be tolerated at Avengers Tower. You’re all fired.”

Tony’s jaw dropped and Clint whimpered.

“Whoa, hang on, Mr. Fury, please,” Steve said. “They had nothing to do with it, please, it was just me-”

“I don't give a shit!” Fury yelled.

“Mr. Fury, we never meant to-”

“You should have thought of the consequences before you walked in that apartment.”

“We went up there for Thor!” Clint burst out.

“Thor's job is waiting for him when he gets out.” Fury said coldly. “Meanwhile, the rest of you, I want you out of the building right now.”

Steve opened his mouth to protest but Fury just pointed to the door.

He sighed and they left, shuffling dejectedly.

When they exited, breaking into the bleak sunlight, Tony shook his head. “What are we going to do now?”

***

“Hey,” Sam said as he slid into the barstool next to Steve.

“Hey.” Steve swallowed his scotch. “Thanks for coming down.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Sam nodded. “You got something for me?”

“Yeah.” Steve reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a folder. “I probably shouldn't even be doing this, because it violates everything I believe in, but I have to get my employees money back, so... This is Stane's travel schedule for the last 10 years. It's his guest registry. Names of judges, politicians women, tail number of his plane, hull identification number of his yacht, names of his racehorses in West Virginia...Gill's Pride and Sunny Day.”

“Yeah,” Sam said with an amused smile. “We’ve got all that. And eventually they're gonna sell his planes and his yachts, and his horses, and the bank is going to take it all. You guys were his smallest account. I'm sorry.”

“It's okay.” Steve shrugged. “Thought I'd give it a shot.”

Sam eyed him. “Hey Rogers, you wanna get drunk?”

An hour later, Sam was plastered and Steve was grinning at him.

“I saw the footage of you beating the shit out of Stane’s car,” Sam grinned. “It was pretty badass.”

“Well,” Steve smiled and poured Sam another drink. “Badass is my middle name.”  
“Nope,” Sam shook his head slowly. “It’s Grant. I read your file.”

“Oh yeah?” Steve said. “What else is in my file?”

Steve’s eyes screwed up in concentration. “I know the year your parents got divorced. Your SAT scores.”

He lowered his head to the table. “I have to tell you something, and I really shouldn't be telling you this, because it violates everything I believe in.” He leaned in close and stage whispered. “We still haven't found Stane's safety net. All these guys, they keep some cash close by in case they have to run. Stane clears out all of his accounts three months ago, But when we bust him, the money isn't on him.

“Jesus,” Steve breathed.

Sam nodded, blinking blearily. “You just have to be patient.”

“I don’t have time to be patient.” Steve said shortly.

“Well,” Sam shrugged, closing his eyes. “If you're tired of waiting around, you can always try the old-school approach.

Steve grinned. “What's that?”

Sam leaned back. “Grab some pitchforks and a couple of guys and storm the castle. They'd never see you coming.”

He stood up, wobbling slightly. “I gotta go. I... I gotta go.”

“Yeah,” Steve said slowly. “Yeah. Let me call you a cab.”

***

First, Steve had to round up the gang.

He knocked on the motel door. “Mr. Banner! Mr. Banner, are you in there?”

The door opened. “Oh. Hello Steve.” Banner looked confused. “Are you staying in this motel too?”

“Uh, no,” Steve stepped inside the room. “I came to talk.”

“Oh,” Banner picked up his coffee from the beat up table. “I’m thinking of becoming a male prostitute.”

Steve smiled. “I think I have a better idea.”

***

“Hello Steve. Welcome to Shake Shack.” Tony said monotonously. “What's shaking? We shake all day.”

Steve eyed him. “You like working here?”

“I cry at night.”

Steve smiled. “How’d you like to put that electrical engineering degree to good use?”

***

“Clint.” Steve said when he entered the mall playground that Clint was supervising. “C’mon.”

“Bye,” Clint said to his partner and tossed his name badge at him.

***

“Natasha,” Steve said. “You know how to pick locks.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Of course.”

***

“Thor,” Steve said when he visited him at the hospital. “We’re gonna get the money back. But we’re gonna need your help.”

“Tell me what to do, Steven,” Thor said gravely. “And I will do it.”

***

“So you're saying you wanna rob” Tony said slowly. “$20 million from Obadiah Stane. Which you think he's hidden in a secret wall safe inside his penthouse apartment. An apartment which he's not allowed to leave and is guarded by three FBI agents, 24 hours a day. And you wanna do all of this in a building with the most advanced security and surveillance system in the world. A building which we've all been barred from ever entering again?”

“Uh,” Steve said. “Yeah, that about sums it up.”

“Well,” Bruce stood and wiped the crumbs from his pants. “I've really enjoyed myself. Thanks for the crackers.”

“Mr. Banner, I know the money is in that safe.” Steve put up a hand to stop him from leaving.

“How do you know?” Clint asked.

“Because a couple of years ago, Stane remodeled. He spent like, 10 million to blow out the kitchen, move the living room. He even brought in some guy from China to do a whole feng shui thing. But he left one wall standing, dead center in the middle of the apartment. That's where he put the safe.”

“Maybe it's a load-bearing wall.” Tony suggested.

“No. No, it isn't.” Bruce mused. “We have the same wall in my place. We took it down

when we first moved in.”

“The FBI can't find the money, because he hid it in the wall, I know it.” Steve said. “Are you guys in or out?”

“I’m with you, Steven,” Thor said.

“I guess I’m in if the big guys in.” Clint shrugged.

“Can’t say no,” Natasha grinned.

Bruce sighed. “It’s not like I have anything left to lose.”

Steve looked to Tony. “Tony?”

Tony’s lower lip dropped and he looked around at the group. “Are you serious? Steve, we’re glorified waiters. We don’t have the skills, the know how, nothing. We bring people stuff. That’s what we do. We don’t know stuff.”

“You and I know the movements of every person. We know the schedules, deliveries and codes for every door and window.” Steve said. “We've been casing the place for years, we just didn't know it.”

Tony floundered.

Steve crossed his arms. “Where does Coulson keep his fake passports?”

Tony glared at him. “The freezer.”

“And how many years did it take for Mrs. Pym to convince Mr. Pym to try for kids?”

Tony sighed. “Two.”

“We know them, Tony,” Steve said. “We’ve got this.”

“Oh yeah, now we’re unbeatable,” Tony snarked. “So we know how the residents operate, you’re forgetting a key skill. We don’t know how to rob people!”

Steve nodded. “I’ve got that covered.”

***

Steve fidgeted while he waited for Bucky by the car.

“You’re an idiot, you know that right?” Tony said dryly.

“I don’t need your encouragement, Tony.”

Bucky stepped outside and smiled when he saw Steve. “Knew it was you pal.”

“Yep,” Steve grinned. “Came to get your ugly mug from the joint.”

“Backseat,” Bucky said to Tony when he reached them.

Tony snorted. “No way pal. You do time in jail, you can sit in the-”

“Tony, get in the back.” Steve said, sliding into the driver’s seat.

Tony made a sound of indignation but did as he said.

Bucky gave Steve an odd look as he got in the front seat. “Whoa, did you just deny your precious Stark something he wanted? What’s gotten into you?”

“I don’t always give Tony what he wants,” Steve said.

“Not anymore, I guess,” Tony pouted from the backseat.

“Don’t be a baby, Tony,” Steve said evenly. “Now Bucky, you hungry? Can I buy you lunch? Wanna go get a drink? We can go to that place you like-”

His words were cut off by a scream as Bucky slammed his foot on top of his and floored it. He grabbed the steering wheel and jerked it.

“Bucky, what the hell!” Steve screamed while Tony shrieked in the backseat.

“What’s going on?” Bucky bellowed.

“Take your foot off the pedal!”

“Tell me what’s going on!”  
“Fine!”

Bucky sat back and Steve jerked off the road, pulling over.

They all sat there, breathing heavily, Tony sounding like he might have a panic attack.

“What’s going on?” Bucky asked again. “First, you say no to Stark, which you never do, you baby the guy-”

“I don’t baby him,” Steve said at the same time Tony said. “He doesn’t baby me.”

“Whatever,” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Then you’re being nice, offering food and alcohol. So I’ll ask one more time. What. Is. Going. On.”

“Bucky,” Steve said, still gasping in breaths. “We go way back.”

“Yeah,” Bucky narrowed his eyes. “So?”

“I thought,” Steve said, breaths slowing down. “Given our friendship, which I’ll remind you goes back to childhood-”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Bucky said impatiently. “Childhood besties, best friends forever, I get it, Steve, you don’t have to spew that nonsense at me. Get to the point.”

Steve was about to answer when Tony did it for him. “We’re gonna do a job. A heist.” He looked Bucky in the eye. “And we’d like your help.”

***

“Hey guys,” Steve said as they approached the food court table the gang had set up at. “You all remember Bucky.”

Everyone nodded at each other.

“Hang on,” Bucky snorted. “You’re gonna do a heist with these guys? I mean Natasha,” He gestured to her. “I get. But the rest? Forget about it.”

“Wait a second,” Clint sat forward. “How do we know you can pull this off? You’re a small time criminal. This is the big leagues. You ready for this?”

“Alright, guys, take it easy.” Steve stepped between the two. “He's totally qualified. He's been arrested a bunch of times, he pays no income taxes, he's got two Doberman pinschers. So let's show him some respect.”

“Yes,” Bucky said. “I am qualified. These pussies are not.”

He turned to walk away when Steve stopped him. “These guys have got what it takes Buck.”

Bucky shifted from foot to foot, contemplating. “Alright, here’s the deal. You each got fifteen minutes to steal something worth fifty dollars. No big deal, just a little shoplifting.”

Everyone exchanged glances.

“Fine,” Natasha said, standing up. “Let’s do this.”

“Hold up,” Bucky raised a hand. “Leave your wallets. I don’t want you paying for shit and saying you stole it.”

They all sighed and dumped their wallets on the table.

“Alright,” Bucky sat down and put his feet up on the table. “Have fun.”

***

“This is part of our Sexy Little Things collection,” the saleswoman smiled up at Steve. “Wonderful for any woman. Or...” She looked him up and down. “Anyone really.”

Steve didn’t know it was possible to blush this much. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Her smile was blinding. “I’ll just leave you to browse. Let me know if I can help you with anything else.”

“Will do,” Steve croaked and surveyed the rest of the panties.

When the saleswoman was out of sight, he stuffed the panties into his sleeve.

***

“These are very pretty Bella earrings.” The salesman said. “They're from our Timeless Collection.”

Tony nodded and swallowed dryly. “Do you have any studs?”

“Yes, several.” The salesman turned the display.

Tony nodded again. “Do you have any hoops?”

A flicker of annoyance went across the salesman’s face. “Sir, all of our earrings are on this display.”

Tony’s palms started sweating. “Do you have a catalog?”

The salesman sighed. “I might have one in the back, let me check.”

When he was out of sight, Tony leaned down and ate up the earrings before walking out.

***

Bruce locked himself in the changing room, hands shaking as he held the sweater, the antitheft device looking menacingly back at him.

***

“They are a tad tight,” Thor boomed. “Do you have a half a size up?”

“Uh, yeah,” The kid looked terrified. “Let me check in the back.”

When he disappeared, Thor picked up his old shoes and walked out of the store.

***

“Cause a distraction, allow the other to get what they need. First, the store on the right,” Natasha said, peeking around a kiosk. “Then the left.”

“Plan?” Clint snapped his gum.

“Where’s my baby?” Natasha said. “Has anyone seen my baby?”

“Solid,” Clint nodded. “What about ‘drunk in the store?’”

“Nah, that one could get you escorted out.” Natasha shook her head. “Don’t wanna risk it.”

“As a gay man, I’m feeling discriminated against by your product?”

Natasha smiled. “Perfect.”

***

When they got back to the food court table Steve put the panties down, blushing, Tony spat the earrings out, Bruce took the sweater with a hole in it off, Thor put a foot up on a chair and Natasha and Clint just gestured to the entirety of their new outfits, from sunglasses to socks.

Bucky surveyed all their items. “Very nice. We might be able to do this. First lesson,” He stood up and started to walk away. “Never leave your wallet with a thief.”

“Bucky, goddammit,” Steve said as they all snatched up their wallets to check for missing cash.

***

“To get in the building,” Steve spun the model of Avengers Tower he had made. “we have to avoid seven exterior cameras and six doormen who work at two entrance points in rotating shifts. Once inside, we'll be faced with four security officers, who monitor a bank of as well as two floating security guards, who vary the patrol route each day. If we make it through all of that, we still have to get through this gauntlet of employees to get to the elevators.”

“Oh yeah,” Tony snarked. “You make it sound so easy.”

“Tony, not now.” Steve said.

“Then when?” Tony asked.

“When you two are alone and I don’t have to deal with your crap.” Clint said.

“Anyway,” Steve said loudly. “Thor still has his job, he’ll be able to let us in. It’s the cameras that are the tricky parts. Not to mention another doorman might spot us.”

“Don’t worry about the cameras,” Tony waved his hand. “I’ll handle that.”

“How?” Bucky asked.

Tony fixed him with a stony look. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Now, the security officers-” Steve said.

“Ooh!” Darcy waved her hand. “Ooh, me!”

Steve sighed. “Yes Darcy?”

“Boobs,” Darcy gestured to her chest.

Steve blushed. “What about them?”

Darcy ginned wolfishly. “Everybody likes a good pair of boobs.”

“That’s true.” Bucky said. “I like lesbian boobs personally.”

Everybody’s gaze snapped to him.

“ _What_?” Clint asked.

“Well, straight women got men pulling, yanking, sweating on their boobs,” Bucky said as though they were discussing the weather. “Lesbians get their boobs touched delicately by other lesbians.”

“Bucky, we are not here to discuss-” Steve said, reddening further but Darcy cut him off.

“I like lesbian boobs,” she said thoughtfully. “But Mary from accounting has nice boobs and she’s straight.”

“What is the point of your breasts, Darcy?” Steve said loudly, putting an end to their discussion.

“Three out of those four guards stare at my boobs _constantly_.” Darcy said. “And the other stares at Jane. We’ll man the front, wear our nicest sweaters and pull their attention right off of you.”

“That’ll work.” Tony said. “I’ve seen them staring too.”

“Lovely,” Steve said dryly. “What about the floating officers?”

“Would a loud yelling perhaps call their attention?” Thor asked.

“Uh...” Steve said. “Yeah, I think so. So Thor’ll get their attention. What’s the plan after that?”

Thor blinked innocently. “I believed I saw a mouse.”

“Wonderful.” Steve said. “Now, we’ve got a pretty small percentage of staff here compared to the rest, but Pepper I trust will keep them busy.”

“How much does Pepper know about this?” Clint asked.

“Everything,” Tony said. “But if this goes wrong-”  
“We’re not taking her down with us,” Steve finished.

The rest nodded.

“Pepper who?” Clint added helpfully.

“That’s right.” Steve said.

“What do we do once we get the money?” Bruce asked.

“Bucky’s the only one without a connection to Avengers Tower,” Steve said. “He’ll hold the money until we’re in the clear.”

“Are you serious?” Clint said indignantly. “He’s a criminal! You’re gonna trust him with $20 million!”

“‘Scuse me?” Bucky pulled a gun out and pointed it at Clint. “I couldn’t hear that. Say it again into the microphone.”

“Whoa, whoa, hey!” Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand.

“What the hell are you doing?” Tony yelled, jumping between Bucky and Clint.

“No guns,” Steve said firmly.

“Fine,” Bucky said. “But disrespect me again, you little punk-”

He brandished it again and there was a chorus of yells.

“No guns.” Steve said.

They all sat back down, breathing heavily.

“Everybody good now?” Steve asked. “Everybody calm?”

“Fine,” Bucky and Clint said together.

“Alright,” Steve said. “Is there anything else?”

“Uh, Steve,” Natasha leaned forward. “I think I have a way to get Stane out of the building.”

“How?” Steve asked.

“I’ve got a friend in the court system.” Natasha smiled.

***

After all the food was gone, as well as the beer, and Bucky and Clint had found some grudging common ground, the gang had packed up and headed on.

All except Tony.

“Need help cleaning up?” he asked.

Steve grinned. “You? Clean?”

Tony just rolled his eyes. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

They cleaned in a comfortable silence, slow work since Tony kept throwing recyclables in the wrong bag and Steve had to keep fishing them out.

“Hey,” Tony said with a smile and reached into his bag that he insists is not a purse (it’s not Natasha god!) and pulls out some dvd’s. “I brought movies.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “More things I haven’t seen?”

Tony shrugged. “It’s not my fault you had a depraved childhood.”  
“Not seeing a lot of movies doesn’t mean I was depraved Tony.”  
“It means that you missed out on a lot of pop culture and therefore hardly ever understand what clever references I’m making.” Tony said, putting a dvd in Steve’s player.

“By that logic, I’m still depraved.” Steve said, flopping down on the couch.

“Hey, you said it, not me.” Tony fell down next to him.

“Mm,” Steve snuggled into Tony’s side comfortably. “What are we watching?”

“Guardians of the Galaxy,” Tony said.

Steve’s brow furrowed. “Isn’t that newer?”

“Yeah, but it’s awesome. Great soundtrack too. And they’re old songs so I’m still technically educating you.”

“If you say so.”

About halfway through the (really good, Steve will admit it) movie they’ve somehow made their way to the floor with a semi constructed pillow fort with lots of blankets making a mattress, Tony said, “Steve?”  
Steve fought a yawn. “Yeah?”

“You know no one blames you for what happened with Stane right?”

Steve sighed. “People do, Tony. And it’s okay. I expected it.”

There was a pause.

“I don’t blame you, at least.”

“At least.”

Tony nudged his head into Steve’s shoulder that he had been using as a pillow. “You’re a good guy, Steve.”

Steve chuckled low in his throat. “I like to think so.”

“If this doesn’t work out,” Tony’s voice dropped low. “Maybe we can be cellmates in prison.”

It was a simple promise and just enough to make Steve burst out laughing.

It was a real laugh, loud and full. Before long Tony was laughing too. They clutched their stomachs and rolled around on their makeshift blanket mattress, working their way across the hysterical spectrum.

Their laughter slowly died and Steve wiped tears from his face.

When he opened his eyes, he was staring at Tony, two inches apart.

Tony was grinning, small giggles still spilling over his lips.

Steve smiled, looking into Tony’s eyes.

Their laughter died down slowly as they stared at each other, hardly moving.

Steve would have like to say it was a split second decision, spur of the moment, that he was flying by the seat of his pants.

But it wasn’t. They both inched forward slowly and Steve was perfectly conscious of what he was doing. There was plenty of time to decide to pull away, plenty of time to rethink, to mull his actions over.

Their lips met and all reservations flew right out of Steve’s head.

The kiss was sweet and chaste and just a bit different than what Steve had always pictured.

Tony’s goatee chafed a bit against his chin and his lips were slightly chapped. Steve’s lips were just as soft and pillowy as Tony had always expected.

When they broke apart, Steve kept his eyes closed and Tony’s warm breath washed over his mouth.

“So,” Tony’s voice broke. “Wanna watch another movie?”

Steve opened his eyes to see Tony’s searching his face.

He knew the question wasn’t about the movie, that Tony was asking if everything was alright between them, if Steve regretted anything.

Steve smiled. “Definitely.”

Tony stood a little shakily and went to pop in another dvd. Steve grinned and leaned back, getting comfortable.

And if when Tony laid back down, they snuggled a bit closer, well then, nobody had to know.

***

“Alright,” Clint said into the phone. “No, it’s okay. Yeah, we’re at the restaurant. The one across from the Tower. Okay. Love you too. Bye.”

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. “Did you have to tell Kate what we were doing?”

“She’s my little sister,” Clint hissed. “I tell her everything. Besides I didn’t specify which restaurant.”

“You told her the one across from the Tower. How many restaurants are there across from the tower?”

“Guys,” Steve said. “Shut up. Alright, now Tony’s a whiz at mechanics so we’ve got him on elevators. He’s gotta go to the main electrical room. You can override the elevators from here of shut them down completely.”

“How do we know you’re actually good at this?” Bucky grumbled.

“I went to MIT.” Tony said dryly.

Bucky stared at him. “Fine.” he snapped.

Steve’s phone started ringing.

He pulled it out of his pocket and answered. “Hello?”  
“Steve,” Sam’s voice came through the line. “We’ve got a problem.”

“What is it?” Steve asked, concern in his voice.

“Stane is threatening to sue you.”

Steve’s stomach bottomed out. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not. But... he won’t if... well, if you apologize for the car.”

Steve dropped his head into his hands. “Jesus.”

“Yeah, pal, I’m sorry, this really blows. Uh, we’re gonna have to escort you, you know, if you’re willing, so uh... when are you available?”

“Well,” Steve said. “I’m in the neighborhood. Let’s get this over with.”

Sam and Steve approached the elevator with two other FBI agents.

He avoided Darcy’s gaze and got in the elevator, wishing he could go over and talk to her.

“Alright, we’re gonna get in, you apologize without barfing and we leave before somebody decks him.” Sam said.

“Good plan.” Steve said tightly.

The elevator dinged and they stepped off. The guard agents nodded and they entered the apartment.

Stane was sitting at his table, staring at a chess board.

You know what's considered the greatest move in the history of chess, Steve?

“No sir,” A muscle ticked in Steve’s jaw.

“A man named Frank James Marshall was losing to a man named Levitsky in 1912, world championship in Helsinki. And it looked like Marshall had no chance until he moved 23 queen G-3.” Stane moved a piece across the board. “He deliberately sacrificed his queen and the move was so shocking and surprising that Levitsky never got over it. He lost the game two moves later. And the move became known in the annals of chess as the "Marshall swindle." I'm a very good chess player, but I'm no swindler.”

Stane stood and walked over to Steve. His eyes were cold and he fixed Steve with a steely glare. “What you did to my Ferrari was the move of a small man. But now it's my move, and I'm not sure how I want to play this.”

“Mr. Stane,” Steve drew himself up to full height, a few inches over Stane. “I would like to apologize. I am truly sorry for my actions and I would like you to know one more thing.”

Steve looked Stane in the eye and the corners of his lips quirked up in a small smile. “I will find a way to pay you back for everything that has happened. That is a promise.”  
Something dark flickered in Stane’s eyes. “Good. Now that you’ve apologized I can honestly say it pains me that you can no longer work for me. It must be awful to lose a service job like this.” He smiled. “Maybe you can come back someday. Not as building manager of course. If you earn our trust we can start over. Perhaps you could work as a doorman.”

“Now,” Stane turned away. “go home and practice your chess game.”

Steve smiled tightly. “I'll study the "Marshall swindle sir.”

“Anybody can sacrifice their queen, Steve.” Stane sat back down. “The real trick is getting away with it.”

Steve just gritted his teeth and walked out.

***

“Thanks for the ride.” Steve said.

“Any time.” Sam grinned. “Oh, wait a minute, before you go, this is for you.”

Sam reached into his backseat and handed a cd to Steve. “It's a present. It's the footage of you beating the shit out of Stane's car. I took it from the security camera in his apartment.

Steve looked down at the cd. “You committed larceny for me?”

Sam shrugged. “Let's just say, I misplaced three minutes of footage.”

“Thank you.” Steve grinned. “I'm touched.”

He looked up at Sam. “You know, you would make a great addition to our group. You’ll have to hang out with us sometime.”

Sam smiled. “I’d like that. You guys seem like you got a good thing going.” He raised an eyebrow. “Especially you and that Stark guy.”  
“Tony?” Steve blushed. “We’re just friends.”

Sam shrugged. “Whatever you say. But he was definitely making eyes at you last time I saw you.”

“Alright, alright,” Steve laughed and opened the door. “I’m leaving. But thank you for the present. And I meant what I said. We’ll all hang out sometime.”  
“Sounds good, Steve,” Sam said. “Have a goodnight.”  
“You too.”

When Steve got up to his apartment he found all of his friends waiting for him.

“I don’t like you hanging out with that FBI agent.” Bucky said.

“Why?” Steve said, putting his coat on the rack. “Sam’s a good guy.”

“Oh my god,” Clint blurted out. “You’re dating him!”

Tony’s face purpled.

“No!” Steve said quickly. “I am absolutely am not. No way.”  
“You are protesting quite profusely, Steven.” Thor said.

“Guys, I promise you, I don’t like Sam that way.” Steve looked directly at Tony. “Not like that.”

“Alright, jeez Steve, we believe you,” Tony said, not meeting his eyes. “Can we get to business please?”

“Sure,” Steve sat down. “So you guys got the safe?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said sourly. “And we got a problem.”

“What?” Steve asked, panic rising. “Natasha, you can’t open it?”

“Oh, I can,” Natasha said, eyebrows knitting together. “It’s just this is one of the most advanced safes our there. I’m gonna need more time than we’ve got.”

Steve was quiet for a moment.

Then, he said quietly, “Then we get you more time.”

***

“They’re moving your court date up to Thanksgiving.” Sam told Stane.

“Thanksgiving?” Stane didn’t even bother looking at Sam.

“The judge wants to avoid a media circus on this.” Sam informed him. He turned to his fellow agent. “Let him walk as quietly as possible. It's an act of contrition.”

“By the way, Agent Wilson,” Stane said. “I'll be pressing charges against Steve and all his accomplices the moment I step out of court.”

“Come on, he did what you asked, he apologized.” Sam said, anger rising.

“It's time everyone paid for their mistakes.” Stane smiled, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I agree.” Sam said coldly.

***

Sam stepped outside to call Steve. “There's something that you need to know. They moved Stane's court date up to Thursday, and he's coming for you. You'll be in jail by the weekend.”

“Damn,” Steve’s voice said over the line. “I’m not really interested in going to jail.”

“You need to lawyer up, Steve.”

“I’m working on it.”

***

“Hello,” Bucky said as he walked into Fury’s office. “My name is James Barnes here from Chase Manhattan.”

“Oh,” Fury stood and shook his hand. “Wonderful.” He gestured to the chair in front of his desk.

They both took a seat.

“What happened to Mr. Larkin?” Fury asked dubiously.

“We had to fire Mr. Larkin.” Bucky grinned, using his best fake giddy voice. “He was involved with some illicit sexual behavior that we at Chase Manhattan just will not tolerate. If you wanna wear a black leather hood and whip your own ass, work at Bank of America.”

He laughed jokily.

Fury didn’t even crack a smile. “So you'll be taking over his account, Mr. Barnes?”

“Yes, I will.” Bucky’s cheeks were starting to hurt.

“Working holidays?”

“Indeed. But if we could get to business.” Bucky folded his hands and leaned forward on the desk. “We've been very patient with you with regard to the Fitzhugh foreclosure, but the bank is ready to sell. And we'd like to personally offer you a finder's fee if we can move the remodel along.”

Fury raised an eyebrow. “A finder's fee?"

Bucky nodded. “Indeed.”

“We just started demolishing the apartment.” Fury said. “The place is gonna look like new. It's going to be one of the finest units of the building.”

“I'd love to see it.” Bucky said. “Can I see it?”

Fury eyed him. “Why not.”

***

“Alright everyone,” Pepper eyed the staff. “I know I’m not Steve. I know that this isn’t the same. And for that I am sorry. But we can’t let that get to us today. It’s Thanksgiving and we’ve gotta get through this. I believe in all of us. We can do it.”

The group clapped, though no one’s heart was in it and they all went off to their positions.

Darcy went to the front and sat down, pulling up some paperwork she didn’t have to pay attention to.

Natasha got into the elevator with her cart and went up to the penthouse.

“Hi there,” she batted her eyelashes at the agent on duty. “Want some cake?”  
She picked up a plate of chocolate cake off her cart. “There’s a birthday party going on downstairs.”  
The guard looked slightly dazed for a minute before he glanced at the cake. “Sorry sweetheart. Can’t have chocolate.”

“Are you sure?” she lowered her voice and smiled. “It’s really good. Sooo moist.”

He shrugged apologetically. “Sorry.”

She paused. “Okay,” she set the cake back on the cart. “That’s fine.”  
She made a split second decision.

She punched the guard in the face, knocking him out.

She shrugged. “Sorry. But you could have eaten the cake.”

***

“Well, this is just wonderful,” Bucky smiled, surveying the room. “I believe there was a mention of a walk in closet on the floor plan?”

“Yes.” Fury said sourly. “Right through here.”

Fury led Bucky to the bedroom and opened up the closet door, stepping inside. “Right through here, we have-”

The door slammed shut behind him.

Fury spun on his heel and wiggled the door handle. “Mr. Barnes? I’m locked in here.”  
Bucky hit play on a boombox in the middle of the room.

“Mr. Barnes? Mr. Barnes!”

Bucky left, leaving Fury behind to scream out profanities.

***

Pepper went to the surveillance room. “I need you to go check on room 312.”

“Uh,” The surveillance guard said. “Okay.”

He left and Pepper pulled out her phone. “You have five minutes.”

“Thanks Pep.” Steve said.

He turned to the group. “Let’s go.”

Bruce, Tony and Clint jumped up from the park bench and they all sped walked down the street.

“Good morning,” Thor said with a wink and opened the door.

When they walked in, they saw Darcy flirting with three FBI agents at her desk, twirling her hair and leaning over so her shirt fell lower.

They walked forward, stiffly and hunched over.

As they approached, an FBI agent looked over his shoulder. Steve panicked and almost turned on his heel and ran out when there was a loud yell by the front door.

All the agents wheeled around and ran outside.

Steve sighed in relief and slid into the elevator.

Before the doors closed, Thor’s voice came in audibly from outside. “Mice. Tricky little devils.”

Clint grinned and stood in the position he took as an operator. “Penthouse sir?”

Steve rolled his eyes and they zoomed upwards.

They let Tony off a few floors below and he ran off to the electrical room.

When the doors opened, they came face to face with Natasha and a knocked out guard.

Steve looked at the uneaten cake and the bruise that was forming on the guards face.

“What the hell?” He asked her.

She shrugged. “He was picky. I had to improvise.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Let’s get down to business.”

They went into the apartment and walked over to the wall.

“Give me the crowbar.” Steve said.

Clint handed it to him and Steve marked the area he wanted to hit.

With a huge swing, he knocked a chunk away.

He kept hitting until he found a metal slab.

“Yes!” Clint pumped a fist in the air.

“Alright,” a voice behind them all said.

Everyone swiveled to look.

It was Bucky, pointing a gun at them.

“Bucky, what the hell!” Steve leapt up.

“Okay Steve,” Bucky said. “I’m not looking to hurt anyone but I need that money. Everybody just leave.”  
“Bucky, we’re best friends!” Steve yelled. “Are you really just gonna shoot me?”  
“No,” Bucky said. “But I will shoot someone else. But only if they try to fight me on this.”

“You idiot,” Natasha rolled her eyes and reached into her own pocket. She whipped out her own gun and pointed it at Bucky. “Mine’s bigger. Put that shit down.”

Bucky’s eyebrows knitted together. “Fine.”

He crouched down slowly, lowering his gun to the ground.

He stood back up.

Bruce reached down and snatched his gun off the floor and pointed it at him. “On the ground, you punk-ass bitch! Bitch, on the ground! We had a plan! We had a plan!”

“Bruce, calm down.” Tony said.

“Come on now.” Bucky said.

“Shut up!” Bruce bellowed.

“Be cool with the gun, man.” Clint said.

“Okay. All right.” Bruce shook his head rapidly.

“Relax.” Bucky said, hands in the air.

I'm relaxed, you relax!” Bruce yelled. “You sissy... You bitch!”

“Bruce knock it off.” Steve said. “I’m gonna finish.”  
He got back to work, knocking chunks of wall away.

***

“Well,” Stane said. “it's been nice meeting you, Agent Wilson.”

Sam rolled his eyes and pulled him by the arm up the steps.

“You know,” Stane continued. “I'm still trying to decide if I should go after your badge. Either way, no hard feelings on my part.”

“Great,” Sam growled. “Thanks a bunch.”

He tried the door. It didn’t budge.

“What the hell?” he muttered and pounded on the door.

A man came to the door. “Can I help you?”

“We have a meeting with Judge Hollingsworth.” Sam said.

“Judge Hollingsworth is down in D.C.” The man said confusedly. “He goes down every year to spend the holiday with his daughter.”

“Are you sure?”

The man shook his head. “There's no one here today, sir. It's Thanksgiving.”

“What the hell is going on?” Stane asked.

“Back in the car.” Sam said.

“Wait, no. Wait a second-” Stane protested.

“Back in the car.” Sam wheeled around and yanked Stane back to the car.

***

Tony burst into the room.

“What’d I miss?” He asked, panting.

He looked around, at Bucky on the ground and Bruce pointing a gun at him. “Oh, what the hell?”

“No time,” Steve said. “We just got the wall away. Natasha, get to work.”  
Natasha knelt down and started turning the dial.

“So Bucky turned on us, huh?” Tony murmured to Steve.

“I didn’t!” Bucky protested.

“Shut up!” Bruce said. “Bitch!”

“Everybody be quiet,” Natasha hissed. “I’m trying to work.”

The group fell silent.

After about fifteen minutes, there was a click.

“Got it,” Natasha whispered and opened the safe.

Horror and panic descended over the group.

“You’ve gotta be shitting me,” Clint breathed.

“It’s empty?” Tony said.

“I don’t understand.” Steve said. “It has to be here. It has to be.”  
“Alright,” Bucky got to his feet. “Give me the gun.”  
He attacked Bruce, grappling for the gun.

“Get off!” Bruce said, pulling back.

“I need it!” Bucky said.

“Hey you guys!” Steve yelled and that’s when the gun went off.

Steve ducked to the side and the bullet just missed him, whizzing by and striking the car.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Bucky yelled.

Sorry,” Bruce reverted back into a calm docile man.

“Well, you can’t just hulk out like that!” Bucky said but Steve had stopped listening.

He walked over to the car and looked at the bullet hole.

Around the entry point, the paint had been chipped away, gold shining through underneath.

“Give me that crowbar,” he said.

“Did you find something?” Tony asked as he handed it to him.

Steve didn’t answer, just started scraping at the hood.

“What is that?” Clint asked.

“Gold.” Steve breathed.

The room exploded.

“Holy shit!” Clint cried. “Real gold?”

“Jesus Christ!” Tony yelped.

“The hood is solid gold.” Bruce said. “Do you have any idea what that's worth?”

“It's not just the hood.” Steve said going around to the back and scraping more off. “It's the whole car. This is where he hid the money.”

“This car must weigh 2,000 pounds.” Bruce said. “Sixteen ounces to a pound, that's 32,000 ounces. The current price of gold is $1,872 per ounce. Steve, it's about 45 million.”

“Christ,” Natasha said. “45 million?”  
“Give or take a few million.” Bruce affirmed.

“Give me the crowbar,” Bucky said. “I’m breaking a piece off.”  
“What, you’re just gonna chunk it off?” Tony asked.

“You got a better idea?” Bucky asked.

“We could take the whole thing,” Clint suggested.

“Won’t fit through the door.” Bruce said.

“Bruce, the doors in your apartment are torn out.” Steve said.

“Yeah, but it’s six floors down.” Bruce said.

Steve surveyed the car. “How much did you say this thing weighs?”

***

Clint went to the roof and found the platform.

He grabbed the panel. “Green means go. Gotta be green.”

He pressed the button and the platform began lowering.

Six floors below, Bruce tore the sheets away to look out. There was nothing holding him back, it just opened out.

“This is insane,” he muttered. He brought the walkie talkie to his mouth. “Good to go here.”

***

Sam didn’t know what to think about all of this. “Mr. Stane, do you know of any reason someone would have wanted you out of your apartment today?”

Stane looked at him like he was a child asking a question not worthy of his time. “No.” he said condescendingly.

Sam grinned. “Mr. Stane, I think you might be getting robbed.”

***

Bucky and Natasha ran down to make sure Pepper had everyone distracted while Steve and Tony hooked the car to heavy wires.

“Okay,” Steve said, pushing the car forward. “We’ll just lower it down a bit and the others will pull it in.”

“Great,” Tony said. “We can do this.”

“Alright,” Steve lifted the walkie talkie. “Lift it up.”  
“Kay,” Clint said and pressed the button.

The car slowly dragged out of the apartment and swung in front of the window.

Clint lowered it, slowly going down to the sixth floor.

“Little more!” Steve said. “Little more! Okay stop! Grab it Bruce!”

Bruce didn’t move.

“You have to reach out and pull it in.” Tony said.

“I really don't want to do that.” Bruce said calmly. “I wanna go home now.”

He fell back. “Home to my old life. Do you have any idea how happy I used to be? I used to be able to go to Greece. I’ve swam naked. I ate lamb.”

Bruce’s sobbing was heard audible through the walkie talkie.

“Pull it together man!” Tony yelled.

“He’s freaking out,” Steve said. “We gotta get down there.”

“Okay,” Tony looked over the ledge and down at the car. “We gotta go down the wire.”

“Jesus,” Steve said. “Alright, let’s go.”

“Alright,” Bruce muttered. “I can do this. I can do this.”  
He walked over to a machine and looped a rope around one of it’s legs. He tugged and it stayed.

Steve went down first, sliding slowly.

He could hear Tony above him, muttering “Shit, shit, shit.”

Bruce reached out and grabbed at the car.

He got it and a smile of triumph spread across his face.

“I’ve got it!” He cried. “I’ve got it!”  
His feet started to slide forward.

“Oh god!” He wiggled desperately, trying to force himself back. “I don’t got it! I don’t got it!”

He fell forward, feet hanging out into oblivion.

“Oh my god!” Clint yelled. “We got a dangler! Bruce is dangling!”

Steve and Tony landed on the car and looked down in panic.

“Help me!” Bruce yelled up at them. “I don’t wanna die!”

“You’ve gotta get to the rope!” Steve yelled.

“No way!” Bruce cried, panic in his eyes. “I can’t!”  
“It’s your only chance!” Tony said.

Bruce looked back at the rope and calculated his chances.

He reached out. “It’s so far!”

“You can do it!”

Bruce drew in a breath in concentration and reached out again.

He almost had it when-

“Aaah!” he screamed right before he was caught.

“Got you!” Bucky said. “I’ve got you.”

He started to pull him up, puffing heavily.

He got him up and Bruce collapsed on Bucky, panting and crying.

“I’m so glad I didn’t die.” Bruce said.

“Yeah,” Bucky puffed. “That would’ve sucked.”

***

Stane’s car pulled up to the street.

Sam leaned out of the car. “FBI, you gotta let us through.”

“Can't.” The officer said. “The parade is coming right at us for another half hour. You're gonna have to go around the entire park. Sorry.”

Sam sighed and looked at Avengers Tower. “These guys are smart, I’ll give ‘em that.”

***

Steve and Tony clambered down the sides of the car and crawled inside.

“Oh shit,” Tony breathed as they looked down at the ground below them. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Alright, we’re gonna pull you in,” Bucky yelled.

“Okay,” Steve said. “We’ve gotta swing the car.”

“Okay,” Tony said.

They started leaning back and forth in synchronization.

“Oh God,” Tony said. “This is horrible.”

“Tony,” Steve said, staring in horror at the ground. “This could go horribly wrong.”  
“Yeah, I know that, thank you.” Tony said.

“No, what I mean is,” Steve gulped. “We could fall right now. Or, even if this all goes right, we could end up in jail.”  
“Not really helping, pal.” Tony said, eyes locked on the window.

“In sight of that being a possibility,” Steve said. “If none of that happens, do you wanna go on a date?”

Tony’s gaze snapped to him. “We’re in a life or death situation and you’re asking me out?”

“I’m sorry if this isn’t something you want, but-  
“You idiot!” A grin spread across Tony’s face. “You couldn’t have asked me sooner? Like, when we weren’t hanging thirty two floors in the air?”

Steve grinned too. “Is that a yes?”  
Tony laughed. “Of course it’s a yes!”

“Wonderful,” Bucky grumbled. “We’re on a heist and these two are confessing their undying love for each other.”  
He looked to Bruce. “Grab that rope. We’re gonna pull them in.”

The car kept swinging, now with Steve and Tony holding hands inside.

Bruce reached out and hooked the car.

Bucky and Bruce began pulling, slowly walking backwards.

When the front wheels hit the floor, Clint released the rope holding it up.

The car flew forward and slammed on the floor.

There was a moment of silence as everyone sat, wide eyed and stunned.

Then, Steve and Tony turned to each other.

Steve launched forward and kissed Tony, burying his hands in his hair.

Tony made of noise of surprise but pulled him closer.

“Oh gross,” Bucky wrinkled his nose.

“What’s going on?” Clint’s voice asked through the walkie talkie.

“These idiots are making out.” Bucky said into it.

“Knew it! Darcy owes me ten bucks!”

“Alright, love birds,” Bucky said and Steve and Tony pulled away.

They climbed out and shook their limbs, trying to dispel the terror from their muscles.

“Alright, let’s wheel this thing into the elevator.”

“I don’t think it’s gonna fit in the elevator,” Bucky said. “But... it might fit on top of it.”

Steve looked to Tony.

Tony shrugged. “Worth a shot.”

Clint ran to the electrical room and listened to Tony’s directions. “I’m stopping it right under you guys.”

They wheeled it out into the hallway and Bucky went to the elevator doors, prying them open.

“What do we do when we get it downstairs?” Bruce asked.

“We’ll think of something.” Steve said. “I’ll check the glove compartment. Keys have gotta be here somewhere.”

He pulled it open and pulled out a little bag. Opening it, he found a little leather notebook. He flipped it open and skimmed through it.

It was full of dates and numbers, all color coded.

“It’s his ledger,” he breathed. “We’ve got his ledger!”

Just as Tony opened his mouth to speak there was a cough behind him.

They all wheeled around to see Mr. Coulson standing there, holding his dog.

“Steve,” he said. “Would you mind walking Agent? My children are here for the holidays and I’d rather spend the time with them.”

Steve swallowed. “No problem Mr. Coulson.” He took Agent out of Coulson’s hands. “Did Skye bring her fiance?”  
“Yes,” Coulson made a face. “Grant.”

“I’m sure he’s very nice,” Steve said.

“Hhmm,” Coulson said. “We’ll see. And if he’s anything but, well then, Melinda knows how to deal with that.”  
“Yes sir,” Steve nodded. “Say hello for me.”  
“I will,” Coulson turned on his heel. “Happy Holidays.”

“You too sir.”

They watched him walk down the hall, and when he disappeared, Bucky attacked the elevator again.

***

“This is Agent Wilson, requesting back up,” Sam said and got out of the car.

The agents flanked Stane as Sam pushed through the crowd, making his way to the Avengers Tower entrance.

Meanwhile, the others had gotten the car onto the elevator.

They steadied it, making sure it wouldn’t fall.

Bruce looked around. “That was easy.”

Just then, the elevator started to move.

It flew downwards and Steve clutched Agent to him. He brought his walkie talkie out. “What’s happening, why are we moving?”

“It’s security!” Clint said. “They’re overriding me!”

They continued downwards before slowing to a stuttering stop.

“We’re at the lobby,” Tony whispered.

The ding below was audible and the passengers climbed on.

Sam pressed the penthouse button and the doors slid closed.

The elevator started upwards, gaining speed at an alarming rate.

“No, no,” Steve muttered. “Stop, stop, stop.”

It did stop, just in time before the car hit.

“Alright, we need a new plan,” Steve said. He pulled up his walkie talkie. “Thor, change of plans.”

“Yes?” Thor said.

“There’s a white van in the garage.” Steve said. “We’re gonna need a diversion.”

“Got it,” Thor said and Steve put the talkie away.

***

Stane surveyed the room. “My car.”

Sam stopped at the destroyed wall. “Mr. Stane, tell me about this safe.”

“It's empty.” Stane said, not looking away from where his car used to be.

“Doesn't matter if it's empty or full.” Sam said, striding over to Stane. “A hidden safe was never mentioned in the inventory of your apartment. You neglected to inform us, which is a violation of your parole, therefore-”

“Where is my car?” Stane interrupted turning to face him. “Where is my goddamn car?”

“I hereby remand you to federal custody until your real court date.” Sam ignored him. “You just forfeited $10 million.”

“You think I care about $10 million?” Stane sneered. “You think I care if I spend a few nights in jail? We both know I'm going to be out by the weekend.But you let that car leave this building and I promise you won't get off so easy.”

Sam stared at him. “Take him away. Lock it down.”  
Sam ran downstairs to the surveillance room. “Show me the garage.”

The guard pulled up the footage.

On the screen, there was a white truck and Thor was rounding the corner.

Sam raced out of the room and out of the building, flying down the steps. “Move, out of the way, get out of the way.”

Thor got in the truck and stomped on the gas.

It flew forward and slammed into the gate.

He spun the wheel wildly, pulling out onto the street and zigzagging all over.

Sam caught sight of him and he ran to his car, pulling off the curb and going after him.

Thor laughed as he drove, swerving and honking. He drove through the parade and the band leapt out of the way.

“Be careful!” Sam yelled at the other agent driving.

Two other FBI cars pulled out in front of Thor and he slammed on the breaks.

“Open it up,” Sam said, getting out of the car.

A couple of agents pulled Thor out of the truck and another opened the back.

It was empty.

“Thor, listen,” Sam said, frustrated. “There’s a lot of trouble going on. It’ll just be easier if you tell us what you know.”

Thor grinned. “I don’t know what you are talking about. All I have done is steal a truck and attempt suicide!”

Sam rolled his eyes and bit back a smile. “Alright people, let’s get back to work!”

***

Bruce walked out of Avengers Tower walking Agent.

Two FBI agents came up to him.

“Mr. Banner,” one said. “You’re under arrest, sir, please put your hands behind your back.”

“But my dog,” Bruce said dryly.

***

“Natasha Romanoff,” An agent said. “FBI, you’re under arrest.”

“I’d like to see you try,” she said and roundhouse kicked him.

***

“Mr. Stark.”

Tony turned to see two agents.

“You’re under arrest.” One said grimly.

He sighed. “I guess this is the part where you read me my Miranda Rights.”

***

“Mr. Barton. You’re under arrest.”

Clint bolted.

***

Steve walked casually through the park, hands in his pockets.

“Show me your hands, Steve.” Sam’s voice came from behind him.

Steve stopped.

“I gotta admit,” Sam said, putting the handcuffs on. “This was all very smart. The diversion, the changed court date. Pretty brilliant.”

“The offer still stands,” Steve smiled. “Hang out with us anytime.”

Sam snorted. “Sounds like a good time.”

***

Sitting across from Stane was simultaneously awesome and agony.

Awesome because his face was screwed up in anger and he looked pretty pathetic in handcuffs.

Agony because Steve was pretty sure he was planning on having him killed in a million different ways.

It was a standoff and Stane spoke first.

“Where’s my car?”

Steve smirked. “You mean the car made of gold? Haven’t seen it.”

Stane stared at him. “They will find it. And when they do, my friends on the jury will make sure you’re in for a long time.”

“We may be going away for a few years,” Steve said. “But you’re going away for the rest of your life.”

Stane smirked. “How do you figure that?”

Steve leaned forward. “Because I have your ledger.”

The panic in Stane’s eyes was immediate.

He narrowed his eyes. “What do you think you’re doing, Rogers?”

Steve smirked. “Sacrificing my queen.”

Stane paused. Then, he leaned forward and looked Steve in the eye. “Alright Steve, I’m gonna cut you a little deal. That car, the one worth 45 million? Multiply that by ten, in cash and your little problem goes away.”

There was another pause.

Then, Tony said, “Clint, would you remind Mr. Stane of our policy?”  
“I’m sorry, Mr. Stane,” Clint smiled primly. “But we don’t accept tips at Avengers Tower.”

Steve grinned. “Checkmate.”

***

“Listen, Steve,” Sam said. “We know everything. We know about Bucky. We know that Thor was just a diversion. It’s just a matter of time until-”

The door opened and Sam and the other agent turned to look at it.

In walked Jane, clutching papers to her chest.

“Who are you?” Sam asked.

“I’m Jane Foster, Mr. Roger’s attorney.” Jane smiled at Steve. He grinned back. “I am representing all the defendants in this case.”

“Are you even licenced?” Sam asked incredulously.

She grinned. “As of three days ago.”

She set her papers on the table. “I'd like to request the immediate release of all the defendants.”

The other agent scoffed. “On what grounds?”

“These are Mr. Stane’s hand-written notes,” Steve said, placing the ledger on the table. “detailing his fraudulent business practices. There are names, dates, account numbers. My guess is you'll find enough evidence in there to put him away for a very long time.”

“But this only happens,” Jane said, raising her voice. “if my clients walk.”

“You've been a lawyer for less than a week,” the agent said incredulously, narrowing his eyes. “and you're trying to bribe the United States government?”

Jane smiled. “Sharks are born swimming, sir.”

Sam cocked his head and considered. “I'll let everyone walk but Steve. As a first-time offender, he'll probably get two years for the car.” He looked at Steve apologetically. “Best I can do.”

Steve and Jane shared a look.

Steve sighed and leaned forward. “Nobody else will be charged?”

***

All but Steve walked out of the precinct, in a line and heads held high.

***

When Stane walked into the prison, there was a chorus of yells and taunts.

“We gonna have fun tonight!”  
“Hey pretty boy!”

He was marched past them all down to his cell.

The one he would be spending the rest of his life in.

***

Later that week, they went back to Avengers Tower, dead of night.

“Let’s do this,” Bucky said.

Natasha smile dna pushed the button.

The cover on the pool drew back slowly.

Clint whooped and Tony laughed. Natasha grabbed Clint and kissed him.

Bucky looked at them and then at Tony. “You better not.”

“Don’t worry,” Tony laughed. “I’ve got a jailbird waiting for me.”

***

They sent the pieces through the mail, all except to Darcy, Jane, Thor and Pepper.

Everyone cried and whooped, hugging each other.

Pepper wiped her eyes. “This was the best thing any of us have ever done. And it’s all thanks to Steve.” She grabbed her glass off the table and lifted it high in the air. “To Steve.”  
“To Steve!” Everyone chorused and threw their glasses in the air.

***

Sam had pulled a few strings and gotten Steve into a smaller prison, less security and all around a much quieter place.

The guards led him to his cell and he sat down.

He looked around. It was small and the bed wasn’t very comfortable. But two years wasn’t that long.

Besides, Stane’s was supposedly worse than this and he was there for the rest of his life.

Steve threw back his head and laughed.

***

**Two Years Later**

Tony leaned up against his car and grinned. “Hey jailbird.”

Steve shook his head and chuckled as he walked up. “Hey.”

Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck and kissed him.

It was deep and passionate and lasted quite a while. Steve was blushing when they finally pulled back.

Tony smiled and didn’t let go. “I have been waiting to do that for two years.”

“Yeah,” Steve leaned his forehead up against Tony’s. “I know what you mean.”

“C’mon,” Tony said. “Get in the car. I’ve wanted to do something else for two years and I intend to do it as much as possible before Clint and Natasha’s wedding.”

Steve rolled his eyes and clambered in. “It’s in two days, Tony.”

“Which means there’s no time to waste!”

Steve sighed. “Can you believe they’re really getting married?”

“They’re already technically married, Steve.”

“Yeah, but that was for Natasha to get her visa renewed. This is for real.” He looked at Tony. “I made them wait.”

“Hey,” Tony put a hand to Steve’s cheek. “You didn’t make them wait. They _wanted_ to wait so you could be there. And now we’re all back together.”

Steve smiled. “So what did Bucky say when you told him he couldn’t go with you to pick me up.”

Tony grinned and shrugged. “I may have suggested that there might be some things going on that he didn’t want to see.”

Steve laughed and kissed Tony again. “I love you.”

“Hey, I went on a huge heist for you,” Tony said. “And I waited two years for you. _That_ is love, my friend.”

He kissed him one more time. “I love you too jailbird.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for sticking till the end! Hope you loved it! And I highly suggest you watch "Tower Heist." Especially if you loved this fic:)


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